Chasing the Sun

So many people are hit with seasonal affective disorder (S.A.D.) this time of year, especially here in the north where the sun hides away so often during these cold months.

I've dealt with bouts of mild depression and not-so-mild bouts of anxiety off and on over the years. (And of course, PPD after two of my births.) But to my recollection, I haven't ever dealt with S.A.D. before... at least that I've been aware of. I love winter! It's been one of my favorite seasons for years.

This year is a little different. I've had a mild case of the blues for a couple of months now. Nothing over the top or anything. But just enough to pretty much feel like 'meh' a lot. So, in other words, it's not affecting my daily abilities to function and look forward to things or to work on my goals in life so much as it's just making me feel more crabby and irritable. More 'meh'.

{This is the back of our house when looking from 'out back yonder' as the kids call it - where the goats roam. Mark finished putting up the siding on our house last year. And now I'm feeling more optimistic that our house will get painted someday! That little building is our sauna. Someday that will have siding, too.}

The winter blues is one of the biggest reasons I started blogging again. I've missed this. And blogging helps me to focus on the positive. That, and the fact that month after month I was paying for an empty blog... I figured it was high time to put this space to use again!

{Redneckville: This was formerly Mark's sawmill shed 'out back yonder', until he sold his sawmill. It doesn't have walls/sides yet. It's basically just the structure, with a roof with shingles on it. And it's where we store all sorts of junk such as loads of salvaged building supplies and things scavenged at the local dump.}

One afternoon, last week, I ran outside with camera in hand only to realize it was absolutely freeeezing cold and I didn't last long. But it still felt good to get out for those 15 minutes even if I came back in with numb and frozen fingers.

Where we live, here in Minnesota, we tend to be fortunate in that we see a lot of the sun in the winter time. But this winter it seems like we've had many more cloudy/overcast days than usual - or just partly sunny days with a lot of cloud coverage. And the sun greatly affects my mood, as many of you can relate. I thrive on that sunshine! When it's sunny, I feel like cleaning and doing projects and working on art. But when it's cloudy I just feel all 'blah' and unmotivated.

{Our coop, made from giant shipping crates, which will be fully sided and have more windows someday, too.}

Last year, I couldn't wait for spring because we were anticipating Aria's arrival. This year, I've had spring fever again because I'm anticipating the arrival of more sunshine! Can't wait for that and warmer weather.

{Mark made a little ice rink near his sauna for the kids this year. They love it! We've neve had one before. It's nothing fancy, no tarp/plastic or anything. But he said if he'd realized how much work it was going to be to make it straight on the ground without plastic, he'd never have done it! Now if the weather would warm up a little, they'd be spending their time out there again... My thermometer doesn't work, but the program on my laptop says it's -4° F and 'feels like -15°'.}

I can't wait to not garden this year. After many years of attempting to garden, I finally came to the conclusion that it's just not my thing. I plan to just stick with potted herbs that I'll put up on our (new) back deck which is just off the kitchen. And maybe I'll try some flowers this year since I haven't done too much with those in the past. But I'm giving up on growing produce. And I'm okay with that. We have plenty of sources for good healthy produce, including our new local organic grocery store, farmers' markets, CSA's, and Azure Standard, that it makes it easier for me to just let go of something that wasn't working, that didn't feel like my thing. Sometimes letting go is a good thing!

Comments

[jen t]

I am glad you are back to bloggin'! And liking the sun through the trees out back yonder.

I bet 'meh' will improve a bit when That Baby sleeps better for ya, too!

I hear you on the gardening. As much as i like to pop outside and grab a tomato and a couple peppers, last summer I gave the gardening back to my Mom. I kept calling it "Gramma's garden" to make it clear...my thumb is not green. It's more purple from coloring :)

[Sandra Lomas]

hi there. i hope your winter blahs go away soon. i hope you do try some flowers this spring. something to look forward to.

[Emily]

Ha. I finally accepted the fact that I don't have Dads green thumb either. I figure its cheaper to go buy my produce from the co-op than water plants endlessly that never produce.