Jennifer's Junky Life ~

The Countdown Continues...

They say the waiting is the hardest part. In a way that's true. Today is day five past my due date. I'm not anxious and overwhelmed like I felt when I was overdue (by three days) with Carter, our youngest. I have a more relaxed attitude this time around and a completely different mindset.

I'm also not dealing with stress and lingering post-partum depression/depression that I had last time. (I had been dealing with it for two years and had only just sought help for it shortly before Carter was born - so I was just beginning to take those steps to get myself on the mend.)

I am, however, anxious to be holding this little baby girl. We've been waiting six and a half years for her and we just keep chuckling that we have to keep waiting. But isn't anything worthwhile in life, worth waiting for?

I've been feeling a little 'yucky' for the past three days - just the most mild feeling of nausea or something. I've also had a lot of mild cramping, as well. Nothing to complain about but definitely a sign that things are changing - and definitely just enough to make me feel like I'm ready for this to happen so I can be on the other side.

I've been having strong and somewhat uncomfortable, but irregular, Braxton Hicks for about a week now. Same as with Carter. I walked around at a 4 for a week or so before he was born. And my labor went fast once things really started going - albeit much too intensely. I can't help but hope that things will go quickly this time, too, but just not as intense... (I hate to use the word but it was a bit traumatic, to say the least... And I said I'd never do another drug-free birth after his.)

This time, I don't know what my 'progress' is as I'm choosing not to be examined due to a different mindset because I realize how much it ups your risk for infection and that it really doesn't make any difference in telling how long or when you'll be in labor. Sure a little part of me would love to know but to me, it really doesn't matter. This whole thing really is a mind game. And if you set your mind to it, those little things won't make a difference.

My doula friend called me yesterday to check up on me. (I like to call her my doula friend because she's also a good friend I met through our home school group a couple of years ago.) She's called a couple of times in the last week and it means so much to me. She's been so encouraging and supportive and I'm really looking forward to having that type of support during my labor this time. I've never had anyone with me besides Mark before - and I love that guy like crazy for the strength and support he gives me - but I think there is just something about having someone there who will know what to say and what to do that could really make a difference during the hardest parts.

Today is another beautiful and sunny day, like yesterday, and once again Mark is home early - a perfect day to give birth. It's got to happen one of these days!

This could be the one...

I was due two days ago but I feel pretty good for being 40 weeks and two days pregnant. I can't complain. I get really good sleep every night and I'm not uncomfortable when I sleep. I go to bed between midnight and 1 a.m. every night. And I only wake up once around 6 a.m. every day and then I'm able to go back to sleep for a few hours. My appetite is pretty much normal. Normal being I eat several small/mini meals throughout my day - just as I have for the past month or so.

{Redneckville. That's what I've dubbed all of our goat paraphernalia out back. It kind of drives me crazy sometimes but I know, or at least hope, that it will all be painted someday to pull it all together.}

I get mild heartburn occasionally but I'm still able to combat it with dairy (organic raw milk and viili/yogurt). I've only had to sleep in the recliner about three times in the past few weeks due to heartburn. I'm able to spend large amounts of my day with my feet propped up - so that keeps me comfortable as well. And I haven't really had too much water retention this time around.

I had an appointment with my midwife today and I've lost three pounds since the last time we met two weeks ago. But I've gained around 30 pounds this pregnancy. I was quite surprised with the loss but she told me that it's normal to lose weight when labor begins... Which for me may have begun several days ago. I've had a lot of strong Braxton Hicks and mild cramping - all normal signs of early labor. And for some people it can go on for days or even weeks prior to the delivery.

I had the same thing with Carter, who was born three days past his due date. So when things really started going, I only had two hours of what felt like labor to me before he was born. But with him it was crazy, instense back labor due to him being in the posterior position. (This baby isn't - so far.)

I feel the most fortunate for my mental state. I feel fantastic and happy and it's not something I ever take lightly after having had depression and post partum depression with my last two kids. I'm remembering to feel grateful often for that this time around... It's no small thing.

I also have really strong nesting instincts and from what I've heard and read that's a great sign because it means your hormones are 'normal' for late pregnancy. It's not just an old wive's tale. I'm taking that as a really great sign personally, as well, because I didn't have those nesting urges when I was pregnant with both of the boys. So it's helping me to feel more optimistic that things will be okay after this little lady is born - just as they were when I had Nikayda.

I'm choosing to go the natural route this time around and that also means that I'm choosing not to have internal exams. For the most part, they're pointless and they don't mean anything as far as predicting when or how long labor will be and they also can up your risk of infection. However, when my midwife measured me today she did say that the baby's head is really low and she wasn't able to move it while feeling from the outside - so that's a good sign!

As good as I feel for being nine months pregnant, I am getting anxious to be on the other side and holding this little baby in my arms! Hopefully, it won't be too much longer...

My six year old keeps telling me that I'm a big, fat and chubby mom. Haha. Can't deny that. But at least I'm happy. And it won't be long before things can start sliding in the opposite direction on the scale. To me, it's all worth it when we've waited this long.

Once Upon a Monday

Today was one of those days... One of those days where I'm 35 weeks pregnant and feeling a little grumpy because I didn't get enough sleep. I don't function well without sleep so this is going to be something having a newborn again! I know the only thing that will get me through the sleep deprivation factor is having a new little being to love and snuggle again.

I had to run errands today so the kids and I ran to the thrift. I didn't find much... A little (Target brand) 18 month size yellow sundress for my baby and some 2T aqua leggings for her, as well. I found three Pyrex mugs for the junk shop. A pair of really cute children's moccasins - trying to decide if I want to hang on to them for years for this little lady or if I should just list them in the shop... And a bunch of vintage plates for us. I've been wanting a few more dinner plates and one of my kids has an affinity for dropping dishes whenever he unloads the dishwasher or gets a plate down for himself so I also found a bunch of the small dessert size plates since our stock of them has greatly dwindled in the past year! (I still need to get a photo of my hutch - the one I said I'd take pictures of last week. I'll try to get that this week along with my thrifty finds.)

We also ran grocery shopping since I didn't get out last week. I'm planning to make pasties this week. (That's pronounced with the short a sound - and they're basically hand pies with meat, potatoes, carrots, onions and rutabaga - for those unfamiliar with them.) I'm hoping to make a huge batch this week so I can freeze them for when the baby comes. They're such a quick and easy supper that way.

I visited with my new midwife at the beginning of last week. She wasn't 100% positive on the position of my baby - which made me feel incredibly apprehensive because it feels to me like she's head down... Admittedly, it made me feel uncertain and nervous that she couldn't tell, too - even though I realize sometimes that can happen when the baby is in a certain position.

Anyway, she wanted me to do an ultrasound to confirm presentation and I was holding off on it but it's making me feel so upset and worried at this point that I finally scheduled it. I need to know for my own peace of mind. (I've never had a breech baby before.) It's scheduled for tomorrow (Tues.). I'm looking forward to knowing either way. If she's breech, then I can decide how aggressive I want to be in getting her to shift into the right position. But I'm really, really hoping I'm all worried and anxious for nothing and she's in the position she's supposed to be in...

For now, I've been continuing with inversions and other exercises from the Spinning Babies website. Here is hoping for the best...! I have a planned outing to the thrift for after the ultrasound. Nothing will be better than a little thrifting therapy after all this!

Photos: New items in the junk shop.

Feeling Alive

I've missed blogging. I love the connections it brings and I love the idea sharing and inspiration that I get from fellow bloggers.

Source.

(Crochet pattern available thru link. I want to learn how to crochet just so I can make this!)

I've been feeling great for weeks now (after that bout of hyperemesis at the beginning of my pregnancy). I'm appreciating every day lately! That's not to say I haven't had to combat a little heartburn with viili (A Finnish yogurt like food) and yogurt. And that my growing belly doesn't get in the way more often than not. And that I don't miss being able to easily reach my feet - but those are all normal things while being pregnant. So, I'm trying to enjoy every second right now.

Source. (Pink Suede Moccasins available thru link.)

The biggest thing for me, and something I've been very open about as an advocate for depression, is that I've been feeling so good mentally. If you're new here, I had moderate-severe Antepartum and Postpartum depression with my second and third children. So, to say I was anxious about that when I found out I was pregnant this time, is an understatement. I was so excited to finally be pregnant, but nervous just the same. But making it to nearly 27 weeks now and feeling this good mentally, my hopes are so much higher that things will be different this time. (All of the winter sunshine we get out here in Minnesota really helps a lot, too!)

Source. (Moon Dream Mobile available thru link.)

Having learned to be open about mental health and surrounding myself with a great support system of family, friends and a local chiro. who has helped tremendously with it has made a world of difference. That, and switching our diet over, in the past several years, to an all-natural/organic, mostly whole foods diet and cutting out refined sugars and processed chemicals.

In the past year, I was also able to finally convert our household cleaners and toiletries as well. (Although, admittedly, I still use a couple of strong chemical cleaners because I feel like nothing else works as easily for the lime build up we get here... We're hoping to eventually get a water softener and Reverse Osmossis... but all in time...)

Source. (Love these burp cloths made with vintage fabrics!)

I have slight OCD, so it was a snowball effect for me from the start when I started converting to natural/organic living. Once I start something, I jump in head first and get obsessed. And the more I learn about the chemicals in our environment and in our food, the more I want to do to make a difference, as small as that difference can feel sometimes.

My back is killin' me, my face is smiling and my heart is happy

My Grandma T. always says only lazy people count their work... I spent the entire afternoon and evening priming two stools (one metal, the other wood), the top of a coffee table, a small but ornate picture frame, a wooden tray, a metal midcentury bathroom shelf, a bunch of small oval metal frames and two wooden plaques. Next week, I get to start on the fun part... Making them colorful! I'll have before and after photos as I finish them. (Below: All but the upside down metal stool and the long table are for the craft show.)

It all started on this rainy Saturday because yesterday while out garage saling I came across this super long mid-century coffee table. It had all but lost all of its stain and was in pretty rough shape. After checking it out a bit, we figured the top is probably oak. It's heavy. The legs are wobbly (I need to glue and secure them before priming them). It's also slightly buckled in the middle -- but it's subtle enough, I don't care. The elderly gent hosting the sale told me to just take it.

Well, there was a slight problem with that because I only had the ol' bargain cruiser and there were already three children inside. After briefly contemplating whether or not to dump them and take the table, I quickly came to my senses and called Mark who was working nearby. Luckily, he agreed to run by and pick it up after work.

So when I got home from garage saling and running errands, much to my surprise he was already home. And the table was sitting smack dab in front of the couch in the living room. Since the basement is already flooded with projects and junk to go through, I knew I'd have to do something quick or I'd be staring at an ugly table for who-knows-how-long.

We're forecasted rain for the next few days, so I just threw down some junky vintage sheets drop cloths and started priming.

And couldn't stop. I'm so wired on doing the craft show this summer and on getting projects done around here so I can do more decorating. And, mostly because I've been wanting to join Project Restyle (hosted by A Beautiful Mess) ever since it started.

The sun popped out this evening for a short spell and I quickly ran outside to squeeze in some spray priming for some of the metal pieces for my booth. (Have I mentioned how fun this is? I'm loving painting again!) The best part is, I have enough stuff in the basement to refinish that I won't have to buy a single thing for the show (not counting paint and supplies). Although, I know that won't stop me now that garage sale season has started.

I'm still here!

It's been so quiet around here the past few months but I wanted you to know I'm still here! :)

This week, I'm in spring cleaning mode. Today, I washed a bunch of junk that was piled up in my entry way from some recent (and not so recent) thrifting/garage sale excursions. I haven't been taking as many pictures lately, so none to post.

Since I'm really good at procrastinating, I still haven't hooked up the printer I bought over a month ago. But I really need to so I can finally print out my camera manual. I'm kind of anxious to start figuring it out. (I've only had the camera for about six months now...) I'm getting antsy after seeing my sister's latest pictures. Granted, she has a new "super camera" and I want one of those, too, but I can't justify it until I learn a little more how to use the one I've got.

We had River in the house for exactly a week and a half before I sent him outside. I couldn't handle him in here. He continually peed in his crate and I never could figure out why (it was just small enough for him to crawl in and turn around in. I even bought Nature's Miracle to clean it with and it didn't help. And, I took him out as soon as he made any noise.) And, honestly, I can't believe I put up with him in here for that long. He got up two to three times a night to go potty outside and he was up at the crack of dawn every day. Not unlike a newborn, but not half as fun!

I give everyone who house trains an animal so much credit. He learned a lot in that week and a half and was starting to pick up on things, but I was getting too much anxiety* with him in here (which is what my chiro. (natural doc.) has been helping me with, and I was taking steps back -- so that was a big factor. That, and the fact that my husband suggested he should be outside because of how stressed out I was getting). I don't do well without sleep. At all.

It just wasn't worth it. And, I've been so much happier since putting him out there. It was a weight lifted, that's for sure! (That 'nice little distraction' got old fast...)

The thing is, he was brought here to be an outside dog. I just didn't want him out in the cold when he was so little but he's so happy out there now with Willow (our Husky). And, she is too having a companion again! And, it's finally warming up, so I could do it guilt-free. Nevermind the six inches of snow we got this weekend... (It's all but gone now.)

I threw a few more things in the junk shop. Long overdue, and not as soon after that last post as I'd intended. With homeschooling, I never get to anything as quickly as I think I will. I have a ton more stuff to list, some I already have photos of and still much more unphotographed. I'll get to it eventually! Things are looking up around here and I hope to be on here a little more often. (Not making any promises that I'll be on here daily though...)

*If you're new here, and wondering why I'm so open about anxiety/depression -- I consider myself a huge advocate for both and by sharing my life, I hope to help others. It's so important to me to help break the boundaries of the stigmas that surround both anxiety and depression. I openly mention it here, and I'm equally as open if anyone ever wishes to talk IRL.

A little River and a Willow

Time to snap out of this slacking business! Actually, I hadn't meant to quit blogging for so long... but I guess to be honest, I was feeling a wee bit of the blues for the past month and just haven't really felt like it. (I've been on book but just not here.) I haven't read very many blogs in the past few weeks either -- so I've got some catching up to do!

It was nothing serious -- but I'm feeling much better this week after taking some natural supplements from my chiropractor. I more or less just felt kind of 'meh' about everything lately. Nothing felt overly exciting but it really wasn't bad (nothing like the PPD I've talked about in the past) just more or less a lack of enthusiasm for everything. (And, if you know our current situation with Mark's job, I'm sure you can understand why. But, even as I say that, I have to say that we're both still so thankful for his job! It's just that it's not always easy and comes with some challenges...) But yesterday was the first full day that I felt like me again and I do again today and the chiro. told me it should keep going on the upswing, which I was quite happy to hear.

And, whether it will help or not...we got a new puppy! He's an Aussie Shepherd and his name is River. He was born Feb. 9 and we've known for several weeks that we were getting him. The kids have been so excited. I went back and forth on names the entire time. Although River was my initial pick, I ended up putting it on my list of boy's names because I loved it so much, but in the end since I'm not pregnant and I do have other boy's names I love on that list, we went with it. And I think it fits with Willow (our Husky).

He's so sweet. We're looking forward to seeing his personality come out...and hoping he won't be too much of a little trouble maker! And bear with me... I haven't had a baby in a long time so I'm afraid this is going to be our new 'baby' for a while. Nikayda has been cuddling him ever since he got home and carrying him around everywhere!

Here is hoping he doesn't keep us up all night...! If we walk away from him, he just starts barking and barking his little bark. Like he is right now. Every time I have the kids put him in his little kennel to get some rest, he just barks. He only rested for a short spell in there this afternoon, and I'm sure at this point, he's got to be tired.

I got a new printer this past weekend but I need to figure out how to hook it up and use it. Then I can finally print out my camera manual.

If only the printer could read it for me, too... I have no idea how to use my settings and I've had it for months.

Um...okay...he's trying to shred the towel I have in there with him... I'm thinking he's not going to settle down.

Just like a baby.
And, so begins our first night together.

Fact is, Marilla, you never went to a ball.

(Anne of Green Gables)

The thing is...I've been down in the grumps the better part of December. I've been trying to kick it...and truth is, it's not as bad as it all might sound just by saying it here. But, still, there's that feeling that I just can't shake. I've been working out on the elliptical six hours a week trying to combat it, and it's helping but I'm still feeling grumpy.

I love December and Christmas and I haven't felt the least bit in the Christmas spirit this year. Just little moments of glee that soon pass. In fact, I worked to decorate one weekend earlier on and had intentions of doing more -- but haven't gotten very far.

I've been throwing myself into Etsy, though, and that's been helping a little. It keeps me focused.

I know there is work lined up next year. Mark said he's booked from spring through summer. And, although, that makes it somehow easier to know, it doesn't take away the stress right now. So, I've been hiding behind posts with Etsy Favorites just because I'm not necessarily feeling like a jolly ol' elf backstage.

I've been thinking I should start a gratitude journal. There are always blessings to count, no matter what trials one has. No matter what, a person can always be happy. But, somehow knowing that isn't helping right now. I mean, I'm happy, but I also feel kind 'meh'.

Being self-employed is stressful. I can't complain -- I love this way of life (minus this part). I love the freedoms that come with it, so I need to remember that during times like this. I even love that I get my husband around right now when there isn't work. But at the same time, I hate the lack of work.

He takes it so much better than I. Sure, he stresses about it but he's so matter of fact and optimistic about it. God will take care of us, he reminds me constantly. He'll find something. I know that. I'm just so weak. I forget very easily and turn to stress and worry instead.

No worries, I don't plan to fill my blog with doom and gloom but I do want to keep it real. Life goes on behind the scenes and sometimes it's not all fun and games!

So, yeah, I'm feeling a bit stressed but I'm not feeling hopeless. I still have my optimism. It's just that that pesky little pessimism keeps getting in the way.

I'm thankful for many things right now:

Our home. Our family. The fact that I have my Christmas shopping mostly done (still need a few stocking stuffers). We're going 'home' for Christmas (thanks to my Etsy sales) -- it sure beats spending Christmas here alone. We have food, clothing, heat. My elliptical. Good health. The gift of time with my husband (and for the kids to have their dad around) -- not everyone gets that and in the end, it's such a blessing. When it's all said and done, that time together is more of a treasure than any work day. Time alone in the evenings. I treasure that time to unwind every day! A good book. Dreams (at least they're free!). There is much to be thankful for and I'll kick this one way or another.

I know so many people deal with the blues and I'm not alone. I'm an advocate for anxiety and depression so it's only natural for me to put it out there. Life is good. It really is. I just have to keep reminding myself that this too shall pass... (And, honestly, I've had far worse anxiety in my life...like, when we moved into this house. That. was awful. I was quite literally frazzled at that point. So, this is nothing! Just a little anxiety.)

Life is unpredictable but sometimes roller coasters are fun. Heh...

Being married to a self-employed carpenter can be so challenging.

And before I go one step further, let me say I love this man with all my heart. I'd carry the world on my shoulders just to be with him... and sometimes I have to. He makes me happy like no one can. Life isn't perfect but when we're together it's imperfectly perfect. And, I love that.

Life is unpredictable in the full sense of the word when you're self-employed. You never know what lies ahead. With carpentry, you often don't even know where your next job will come from. The next check to pay the bills. To put food in your mouths or clothes on your children's backs.

It stresses me out to no end sometimes. But most times, I love this roller coaster ride. I love the spontaneity and unpredictability of life.

Ok. Not so much the we-don't-know-when-the-next-job-will-come part but the flexibility of it all I love.

Mark got hooked up with a carpenter who's worked in this area for years, about a year ago, by a friend from church. This guy builds and remodels lake homes in the area and has been 'busy' throughout this whole recession thing we've got going on with our country. It's been such an unbelievable blessing having relatively stable work this past year.

I cried tears of joy when he started working with this guy and the other guys that work with him -- because once Mark got to know them, we realized what a good thing this was. These guys are such a great group of guys. I met one of the guys this summer when he swung by the house with Mark one day to drop some stuff off, and this past weekend we ran into the head carpenter at an old lake house they're going to tear down. (Mark, the kids, and I were there scavenging for vintage treasures. There were a bunch of things that were destined for the thrift so we had first dibs, along with the other guys he works with. Another post, another time.)

Anyway, we'd run by this lake house Friday night and the head carpenter guy showed up with his wife while we were there. I'd been wanting to meet him for a long time as I'd heard a lot about him from Mark, so it was pretty great to run into them like that. He invited us to dinner so we all headed out to eat after we'd gathered up a few things. It was really nice. And, I realized again exactly how lucky he was to get hooked up with this guy and his crew. He and his wife are both such nice, genuine, down-to-earth people. Good people.

After being nearly unemployed for a couple of years this past year has been such a gift. I'm thankful every day that he has work. You realize what a blessing it is when you've been without, or when you know others who have. (And, you realize how often we take so much for granted in this life.)

Once again, we're heading into winter and things aren't as 'stable' as they were last winter. I found out this evening that there isn't much work lined up -- although, once spring comes they already know they have work. Which, believe it or not, helps tremendously. But I'm still a little stressed. I'm pretty sure between the other guys he works with and himself, something will come up. It has over the past several months as they've looked out for each other when one of them has found a job to do. They've had each other's backs.

I get worried, naturally, and a little stressed when he tells me there isn't anything in the immediate future but I have to remember that as stressful as the past few years have been, we've made it through. And, we've learned a lot of valuable lessons -- both sensible and spiritual.

Sometimes I forget that God is always there, and that things will always work out, even when you're walking through the deepest trials and feeling the most stress. Yet, even when you forget, He doesn't. We've had a lot of trials hit us at once these past few years. But even through it all, I know He's there. I just need to be reminded of it from time to time. (Like during our fall services when some of those sermons hit me right in the heart. They were words I needed to hear for comfort and strength to remind me that everything always works out. Or like all of the unexpected blessings that came our way during those couple of years when work was slim to none. There are gifts, literally and figuratively, all around us if we just look for them.)

So, yeah, it feels a tiny bit stressful but I'm still smiling. :) And, besides, I have a shiny new camera to play with. We did this before, we can do it again. (Right...?)

I need to do art. It's time to create something!

P.S. That bottom picture may be a little grainy but I wouldn't have even been able to take it before with my old camera. It was taken in our first floor bathroom. It's too dark during the day being on the north side. I'm really liking this camera.

10 ways the new healthcare law may affect you

I rode the fence in the beginning but I absolutely do not support government run healthcare--for many reasons mentioned in the following (neutral) link. Being married to a self-employed carpenter, we've been without insurance at times over the years and I have a lot to say on this issue. However, this post isn't about my opinions. (I've got too much going on to start a big discussion on here right now!) :)

This article was on the Yahoo! home page just now and I thought I'd share it for all who are interested...

10 Ways the New Healthcare Bill May Affect You