Jennifer's Junky Life ~

Never been this happy with so little sleep

I pulled two all-nighters in a row and I'm tired but oh so happy! We had our baby girl on Tuesday morning at 6:15 a.m. after 8 hours of laboring through the night.

Aria Irene - 8 lbs. 4 oz. 20.5 inches long. (Pronounced Ahr-ee-uh.) We're both healthy and well. And I'm still amazed that she wasn't ten pounds after being ten days overdue and with a belly as large as mine was! - especially because my last one (Carter) was three days overdue and he was 9 lbs. 7 oz.

{These two were taken yesterday when she was born. All others are from today.}

It was such an amazing experience to labor in the comfort of my home and to birth in water. I can't even describe how awesome it was. My midwife and her assistant did a wonderful job of helping us to deliver our baby. Mark was able to catch her when she was born and to cut the cord once it stopped pulsating.

My doula was so fabulous. This was the first time I had ever used one and she literally helped to cut the pain of most of my contractions by half just from counter pressure to my back. I also now swear by a birth ball - something I've also never used before. I wouldn't have made it without that thing during contractions - I sat on it almost every time to relieve some of the discomfort. It really made a difference.

This was such a great experience and I feel like I could do it again drug-free. (I couldn't say that after Carter's birth!) I just keep looking back at it all in awe. I feel like a first time mom all over again.

We are loving having a baby in this house again. We can't get enough of her! She was up last night from 1 a.m. to 6 a.m. with only tiny little bouts of snoozing in between but we were able to get some sleep this morning. She's been a little fussy off and on but hopefully that will work itself out soon enough. At least I can sleep when she does for now. And, really, I don't even care because she's just so darn cute and precious!

Mark is home today (and, of course, yesterday). He's been so helpful for everything I need right now so I can stay off my feet as much as possible. I couldn't do it without him! And, a huge thank you to my sister, Sara, who came and got the kids yesterday and kept them for the night! It's been so nice to rest.

The kids were home for the birth but they were upstairs sleeping in our room. They woke up right when I was delivering and were able to come downstairs as soon as we had her. I just love the whole dynamics of this birth. It was everything I'd hoped it would be.

See... No need to worry

Last night, we got a few inches of snow. I thought, for sure, that the change in weather would bring about this impending birth. But, not quite yet. She just isn't ready. But I think it will happen soon.

I was quite relieved, too, because I was worried for my midwife and my doula to be out on the roads last night. My midwife is coming from an hour away.

I love the snow. Even when we get it in April. The trees were gorgeous this morning.

But it's almost gone now.

Just like the snow in April, I'm reminding myself that labor will come and go and before you know it I'll have a sweet little baby in my arms. Everything comes. Everything goes. For now I'm continuing to enjoy her little kicks and punches and other movements as she settles in for birth.

I feel like I've been grateful for this extra time. I wasn't mentally ready a week ago - not in the way I feel now. I've continued to devour birth stories* and natural birth videos. I can't get enough of them right now. They're all so amazing and so empowering as I prepare my own mind for this amazing event. (*I discovered the Birth Story of the Week feature on Marvelous Kiddo a couple of months ago - and love reading them. They're not all about natural homebirths but they're all personal stories on many different views of birth. I like the variety because every woman has to choose what she's most comfortable with when it comes to giving birth.)

We're taught that due dates are critical from early on but contrary to what we're taught by the medical world, a due date isn't a kitchen timer where it goes off and your baby is automatically 'done'. No one bats an eye when a baby is born two or three weeks early (in spite of the risks of complications from early birth) but we're taught to 'fear' when a baby is yet to be born two or three weeks later (because of the risks of complications of going 'over). It's all a spectrum. Baby's have been born healthy and well within both time frames for all of time and no end of the spectrum is 'better' than the other. It will all happen when it's meant to happen.

I didn't have that view during my other three births but I enjoy having it now. - I feel so relaxed about being overdue (9 days and counting), knowing it's all in God's hands. And it will happen exactly how it's meant to happen. When it's meant to happen. And, as my kids say, "I can feel it in my bones" that it probably won't be too much longer.

And I can't wait!

{Photos: All images taken today - April 16, 2012.}

Routine Newborn Baby Care Info. :: Eye Ointment

I've been passing the time lately by reading up on all things natural birth and home birth as well as watching countless videos of the same. They are so inspiring and encouraging as I prep myself mentally to do this at home. Birth is such a beautiful thing. That is not to say that I'm not human and that I don't have little moments of 'oh my goodness, can I do this drug-free again?' because I have plenty of those! But I also have faith that I can do this.

I was astounded to learn today from one article that only 14% of women in the US choose to birth drug free and naturally! This shocks me considering all of the complications that can and do arise from using drugs and other medical interventions in a hospital during birth. (They are there for a reason and are a great blessing when they are needed though.)

Today, I came across an article on a birthing site with one midwife's insight as to why someone might choose homebirth and wanted to share it here as well as on Facebook. I know often that people wonder why in the world would someone choose to birth at home? And, although, everyone isn't going to 'get it' from the article, I'm sharing it because so many of my own views on the matter are so articulately spoken therein.

So many things, if they're not done the mainstream way, can be so controversial to people and they can really cause others to put their guard up about it simply because they don't understand where someone is coming from. Not everyone understands why someone chooses to live their lives with as little medical intervention as possible but I hope by sharing our experiences both here and on Facebook that at the very least it will get others to think about them.

So much of what we do where it pertains to modern medicine is done without thought - simply because that's the way everyone else does it. Case in point is the following info about the eye ointment given to all newborns in the hospital directly after birth...

I was not aware of it too many years ago and I'm sure many others are not, as well, but did you know that the eye ointment has to do with STDs - making it completely unnecessary for so many, many babies, including my own - and probably yours? It also causes pain, swelling, burning, and blurred vision for the baby for the first few days. Click on this link and scroll down until you see 'Silver Nitrate or Antiobiotic Eye Ointment' to read more about it. Yet it is automatically given to every baby in a hospital unless the parent refuses it. You as a parent, have a right to refuse this treatment as well as any others that you may research and inform yourself about and choose not to use.

I'm so anxious to be holding my own baby but continuing to try to take a relaxed attitude about being three days overdue. I had to chase down a goat today to get her back in the fence and it sure left me huffing and puffing in my current state! As comfortable as I am for how far along I am, I know I'll really be appreciating being on the other side soon enough!

{Photo: We took the kids to the park for pizza one evening a couple of weekends ago because it looked so nice out. But it didn't last long. It was cold and windy and it wasn't five minutes before we headed back to the car to finish our food!}

Swimmin' Time!

Okay...maybe not quite yet, but we're making our preparations.

It's recommended that you fill up your inflatable birth pool by 36 weeks but being the procrastinator that I am, I just did it at 37 1/2 weeks. I still need to sanitize it with some Basic G tonight before I tuck it away in a safe place until it's time to use it.

(The air pump was loud!)

It's funny because I just keep laughing. Laughing that I'm finally pregnant again. Laughing that we're having a baby girl. Laughing that my kids get to experience the whole baby thing. Laughing that I get to (try to) do this birth the way I've always wanted to do a birth. I'm having a grand old time with all these notions... I'm so excited for this baby.

But, in reality, as it gets down to the wire, I'm getting a little anxious about giving birth. I'm just doing a really good job of living in denial and squelching those feelings. This little baby is going to come out one way or another and it's easy to start getting caught up in the reality of it. My nerves are kicking in a little bit, as I'm sure every mother/mother-to-be can relate to. I feel mentally prepared to do this (drug free) this time, though, for the most part... I wasn't with my last one.

When I arrived at the hospital to have Carter, I *knew* I was going to have pain meds and when they told me it was too late, it was a really difficult transition to prepare myself to do it without. (I was only there for about 45 minutes before he was born.) On top of being a fast labor (about two hours), it was also a crazy, intense labor with a lot of back pain because he was posterior. He also had the cord wrapped around his neck and wasn't breathing right away and came out in two pushes, in spite of being 9 lbs. 7 oz. And I said I'd never do it drug free again after Abram and Carter. (With Nikayda, I was put on Pitocin and eventually took Stadol.) But here I am, about to attempt a home birth and I'll have little choice once things get going.

("Some" of our windows have trim.) :)

I never thought that those memories of pain would fade but they do and they have. Six years will do that.

But they're coming back real fast as the time closes in. Yet, after worrying that my baby was breech, a couple of weeks ago, I feel a renewed sense of calm about it all. I was so scared that I'd be forced to have a C that it completely changed my perspective. Now I just keep telling myself, I can do this.

(Photo courtesy of my current baby, who is six and a half.)

And I know I can.

Doesn't mean it's going to be a walk in the park but I know I can do it.

Nikayda just told me, with a big grin on her face, "I just can't believe we can have a baby any time. It went by so quick!"

Tell me about it! The past nine months have absolutely flown by and these last couple of weeks are not slowing down for me. We have so much we're trying to get done around here that I keep hoping she doesn't come early... Unlike my other pregnancies where I was so ready by this time.

I've been feeling so good. This has been my best pregnancy (minus the hyperemesis gravidarum in the beginning). I've never felt this good at the end of any of my pregnancies before and I attest that to our life changes over the past five/six years (a relatively clean and healthy diet and frequent visits to the chiro.). The only real issue I've been having is my adrenals. My lower back has been really sore from the weight of my belly pulling on it.

My belly is huge though! I can't wait to see what this little baby weighs. And I can't wait to hold her.

I Might Give Birth in a Stock Tank

For real.

One of the books I read on home waterbirth a woman said she had just used a feed trough/stock tank from the fleet store for her first birth. And they're a lot cheaper than ordering an actual birthing tub.

Welcome to my crazy life.

We live on a farm, after all. So what's the big deal? Right?

Ha!

Source.

Mark had to run to the feed store this afternoon after work so we all went along for the ride with the intention of stopping at the fleet to check out the tanks. And, after seeing them, I know they'd work. I'd just need some sort of inflatable backrest or something to use in it for a little more comfort.

I keep telling myself I can do this. I keep giving myself little pep talks. And brainwashing. You just have to push those thoughts out of your head and say you can do it, and you will. I know that. But I suppose it's all part of the emotions leading up to birth. That, and the little moments where I kind of get all giddy and jump up and down with excitement like a little kid waiting in anticipation for Christmas. (true story.)

The stock tanks also appeal to me because I've been wanting to add some to our garden out back. And this way it could easily be recycled into the yard afterward. It would make a great container garden. (For anyone mildly curious, you purchase a liner to be used inside to keep it sanitary for yourself and baby during the birth, regardless of which tub you go with.)

Skipping on to other things... I started scouring Craigslist today. Found a Mid-Century cupboard (like the one in the picture. but totally different) and emailed the seller. Still waiting to hear from them. But it is exactly what I've been looking for. Or at least one of the many things I've been looking for. And the price can't be beat. Mark said he'd pick it up for me, too, so I'm hoping to hear from them soon. Crossing my fingers! And trying not to get too excited about it in case I never hear back from them or something. I've heard Craigslist people can be silly like that. Wishing they had a number instead of just email.

It is so difficult to find retro furniture where I live. I have to check several different city's Craigslist listings - and they're usually at least 45 minutes to over an hour or more from us. So this would be something to find a piece like this the first day I actually started looking.

When I Grow Up

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I like what I'm doing right now...

I had a moment of feeling anxious the other night. Anxious about this birth. About the reality of it all. About doing it naturally and drug-free like I did for Abram and Carter. And then I let it pass. I can only assume as the weeks close in I may have more of those little moments. They're only normal, after all.

Who doesn't have those little moments of anxiety about going through it, whether you choose to go drug-free or not? It's kind of a big deal.

(These jeans are so tiny! I love Roca Wear jeans and was pumped to find these little skinny ones with the pink and white 'R's' at the thrift.)

When I mentioned it to Mark, he had nothing to offer in the line of comfort and I just laughed. I'm pretty sure he just gave me a sympathetic look. We've been through this three times before. I wish I could say it gets easier with each child! But it doesn't. It's the end result that you cling to and that's what gets you through it.

That, and trying to brainwash yourself not to feel nervous about doing it. I'm good at living in a state of denial. It's a great place to be. Better to not think about it and let the moment come when it does.

Waiting to meet this little baby is all I live for now. I have a one-track mind. Every time I feel her move, I get so excited. I'm still in awe.

(The trees were so beautiful a couple of weeks ago. The weather was just right and everything was covered in frost for a few days.)

I grew up with babies. Being the oldest of 14, there was always a new baby in the house and I loved it. I was just reflecting on how this is the longest stretch I've ever gone in my entire life without changing diapers or holding babies on a regular basis. I've missed it so much - the baby holding more than the diaper changing. Haven't exactly missed that part too much. (My 'baby' is 6 and a half.)

We are so ready for this - in spite of those little moments where I go, "oh my gosh, I'm going to be so tired again!" I don't even know what that feels like anymore. To be so exhausted you want to die. But I kind of remember it even though it's been so long. And, in reality that extreme exhaustion really doesn't last forever.

I'm just grateful to have a ten year old. I'm hoping I'll be able to take frequent naps at first. Something I rarely got in when the other three were babies.

Sugar is Sugar

A lot of my favorite bar recipes call for sweetened condensed milk and I quit buying it a couple of years ago because of all the additives in it. And I haven't been able to find any that is organic. Recently, while on Pinterest, I came across a homemade recipe for sweetened condensed milk that called for milk powder. So, I ordered organic milk powder from Azure Standard and decided to try out the recipe.

I finally got around to it tonight and I'm really happy with how it turned out. Organic or not, sugar is still sugar and we try not to eat too much of it. I don't bake nearly as often as I used to but it's nice to have a treat once in awhile.

I made Chocolate Revel Bars this evening with the homemade sweetened condensed milk. They look like they turned out but I just pulled them from the oven so I'll wait until they're cooled before trying them. (eta: I tried them and they turned out great. I'll definitely be going this route in the future!)

Homemade Sweetened Condensed Milk

Recipe adapted from here.

4 T unsalted butter
3/4 c. sugar (recipe calls for 1 c.)
1 c. water
1 1/2 c. organic dry milk powder

Add butter, sugar and water to a saucepan and bring to a boil over low heat until the sugar dissolves. Turn off heat. Whisk in milk powder 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup at a time making sure it has dissolved before adding more each time*. Cool and use immediately. (Recipe states that it doesn't store well.)

*I still had a lot of lumps after mixing it - and I tried whisking it for a *very* long time before adding more after the initial addition. I gave up and when it had cooled enough, I stuck it in the blender to get rid of the lumps.

I didn't measure how much it made but I'd guess roughly about 1 1/2 cups to 1 3/4 cups. I used 1 1/4 cups of it in the bar recipe. It will appear like it's not as thick while it's still warm but it thickens as it cools. It's not as thick as the stuff in the can, but I think it had a nice texture to it.

Three Things I've Learned About Heartburn...

A rambling post about heartburn with a little goal at the end... The entire reason I shouldn't do a post when I'm tired (because I tend to ramble).

I get heartburn with every pregnancy. And all three of my kids, so far, have been born with a head full of hair - whether there is any real connection with that or not, I'm not sure... But I think that I'm finally learning how to combat it...

I haven't really drank coffee (other than an occasional Starbucks Caramel Macchiato, once or twice a year) for over four years. (I drank it through every other pregnancy except this one.) I quit in 2007 because I was drinking way too much and I was getting heart palpitations from it. So I just quit cold-turkey. I switched to tea and never looked back.

Source.

Well, at Christmas time, while we spent the holiday with my family in Michigan, I drank coffee. I had one cup almost every day. And I got heartburn for the first time in this pregnancy. So I quit drinking it a couple of days before we left and I haven't had any since and the heartburn almost went away.

I've noticed that if I really watch my meal portions, especially at suppertime, I have far less incidences of heartburn, as well - and especially if I make sure not to eat a couple of hours before I go to bed.

But the biggest thing that I contribute to helping rid myself of heartburn this pregnancy (because I think I finally have it mostly under control) is eating viili before I go to bed every night. It doesn't seem to matter when as long as it's within an hour or less of when I go to lie down. (For anyone new popping in here, viili is Finnish - it's a yogurt-like cultured food. I make a new batch of it several times a week. I like mine plain with just a little scoop of flavored organic yogurt mixed in so it has some flavor to it.)

I'm thrilled about this discovery because with all three of my other kids, I had to take Zantac nearly every day for the last trimester because if I didn't, I couldn't sleep at night. (And if you've stopped by before, you probably know how much I prefer natural remedies/medicine over conventional stuff.)

I started eating viili in December and I don't think it's a coincidence that this is the first winter where I went over a month without being sick. (I just caught a cold at the end of last week but it's clearing up now.) And up until then I was constantly catching colds and getting sick. I normally get sick all winter long. I constantly have a cold or cough or something. But I contribute the lack of colds in the past month to eating viili two to three times a day.

The goal... Way back last summer, I made a goal for myself to start sewing this winter. I have only used my sewing machine a few times over the past nine years or so and it's something I've always wanted to do. (I can't believe I've had it that long and used it so rarely when I appreciate handmade things so much.) I see so many fun projects out there and I have way too much vintage fabric for a girl who doesn't sew! So, it's high-time I start learning.

I don't have very many 1960's prints yet but they're my favorite. I love the bold colors and floral patterns of the 60's. Especially blues and greens. Today, I bought myself 5 1/2 yards of the fabric you see in the photo from a shop on Etsy. I can't wait to get it!

I've been wanting to make a slipcover for my couch ever since I thrifted it a few years ago. I want to use fabrics that clash-match so I haven't decided if I'll use this fabric for part of that since it's a good amount of it or for something else like curtains, a dress, throw pillows, or a slipcover for one of the ottoman stools I have floating around here... We'll see. But my goal is to test out my sewing machine in February and March.

Once I learn how to oil it and thread it again.

Feeling Alive

I've missed blogging. I love the connections it brings and I love the idea sharing and inspiration that I get from fellow bloggers.

Source.

(Crochet pattern available thru link. I want to learn how to crochet just so I can make this!)

I've been feeling great for weeks now (after that bout of hyperemesis at the beginning of my pregnancy). I'm appreciating every day lately! That's not to say I haven't had to combat a little heartburn with viili (A Finnish yogurt like food) and yogurt. And that my growing belly doesn't get in the way more often than not. And that I don't miss being able to easily reach my feet - but those are all normal things while being pregnant. So, I'm trying to enjoy every second right now.

Source. (Pink Suede Moccasins available thru link.)

The biggest thing for me, and something I've been very open about as an advocate for depression, is that I've been feeling so good mentally. If you're new here, I had moderate-severe Antepartum and Postpartum depression with my second and third children. So, to say I was anxious about that when I found out I was pregnant this time, is an understatement. I was so excited to finally be pregnant, but nervous just the same. But making it to nearly 27 weeks now and feeling this good mentally, my hopes are so much higher that things will be different this time. (All of the winter sunshine we get out here in Minnesota really helps a lot, too!)

Source. (Moon Dream Mobile available thru link.)

Having learned to be open about mental health and surrounding myself with a great support system of family, friends and a local chiro. who has helped tremendously with it has made a world of difference. That, and switching our diet over, in the past several years, to an all-natural/organic, mostly whole foods diet and cutting out refined sugars and processed chemicals.

In the past year, I was also able to finally convert our household cleaners and toiletries as well. (Although, admittedly, I still use a couple of strong chemical cleaners because I feel like nothing else works as easily for the lime build up we get here... We're hoping to eventually get a water softener and Reverse Osmossis... but all in time...)

Source. (Love these burp cloths made with vintage fabrics!)

I have slight OCD, so it was a snowball effect for me from the start when I started converting to natural/organic living. Once I start something, I jump in head first and get obsessed. And the more I learn about the chemicals in our environment and in our food, the more I want to do to make a difference, as small as that difference can feel sometimes.

The Goat Chronicles. Chapter 1. Day 3.

Ok.
I must be a country girl.

It's in my blood but I never thought I'd lose so much of the city girl by moving up here to the north woods. I've had a little of both in my blood my whole life. But, I tell you, if I didn't have to milk another goat another day in my life, I'd be just as happy. ;)

Today was day two of milking ol' Zena (a Nigerian Dwarf goat) on my own. And, although it didn't take me five to ten minutes to get her to let her milk down like yesterday, and I didn't have to kick and scream ten thousand times first and possibly throw a plastic crate that was supposed to be my seat before it happened, I'm ready to be done.

Actually... on the first day without Mark's help, I just sat there after repeatedly trying on my own. Over and over I tried for a good five to ten minutes. (At least, that's what it felt like. I'm not in the habit of hanging clocks on the goat's fence, so I'm not completely sure.) Then I quietly and stubbornly gave up and called Mark, told him I couldn't do it. Mr. Calm just told me I'd get it eventually, and that he appreciated that I was trying, and told me not to stress about it. So , I hung up with him and proceeded to try again, and by some great miracle, her milk let down and I was able to get a pint of milk out of her. But, man, he made it look easy the day I tried with him watching (and we took those pictures in that other post).

My hands are a little sore today. Not too bad. But for some reason, I've never had huge visions of having big, strong, muscular hands. It's not really been my dream. I'm just not cut out for this milking business. At least, not too much. And, sure... if you were to delve deep inside my brain, you'd see that there is a tiny part of me that I'm working really hard to squelch, which says, hey, it really isn't that bad. It's nice and quiet and peaceful out there. The weather's been warm and it's even a little relaxing, minus the super amount of strain you feel in the muscles of your hands because unlike you're husband, who although he got sore hands at first, can and always has been able to milk one-handed, you must use both hands in order to milk at the speed you've witnessed him achieve. And, you wish to keep that speed because, regardless, your hands get very, very sore so you wish to hurry it up and be done with it. And, look at what this milking's done to me, I've gone off to the third person on you.

Whoever would have thought I'd be outside milking a goat? I mean really.

Seriously.

A year ago, I would have laughed at you had you told me that. Heck, a week ago, I'd have laughed. Ok, let's be honest, three days ago I'd have laughed. This one kind of got swung on me. I didn't see it coming.

It's not always such a pretty thing... I'm learning a lot about the country. I'm learning where milk comes from and exactly how much filtering is necessary, even for raw milk. (Which, actually, isn't that much for raw.) But I love that I'm learning. And, if you're queasy, close your eyes 'cause you won't want to know that it's perfectly natural and normal for the goat's (or cow's) hairs to fall into the milk as you're milking her. I never knew that (never thought of it, really), and although at this point in my life, it doesn't make me queasy, I'm still getting used to the whole notion. (I still haven't had more than a sip of our goat's milk. -- But I drink raw cow's milk from our friend's organic farm all the time. I know, it's all in my head!)

The next five, ten years will go by and before you know it I'll be the goat milker around here and I'll be able to milk like it's nobody's business. But, I'll be wearing a dress and an apron while I do it. And a good pair of mud boots wellies mud boots. And no one will recognize me anymore. Least of all myself.

Time does change you but if there's one thing I know, you can take the girl out of the city (slicker*), but you can't take the city (slicker) out of the girl.

At least not all the way.
I'm planted firmly on my milking stool, and I just won't lose it all.
I'm a junk lovin', city slicker, with a country girl's heart. And, I'm happy about that.

*It was brought to my attention on Facebook that I never actually lived in a big city. But, I tell you, I'm as city slicker as they come. Was. I was.