Jennifer's Junky Life ~

CaringBridge for Paul

I just wanted to hop on here to share the CaringBridge website for my nephew, Paul, for those who are interested!

All of the love and support that has been extended both there and through emails, texts, phone calls and cards for Sara & Jon and their family is very much appreciated and means so much to them. They may not always be able to respond but I know they all mean a lot to them!

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/paulpeterson9

{You will need a CaringBridge account to access their page. It's a quick and simple process to set one up.}

Feelings into Words :: Words into Feelings

I'm working on a completely new blog... New URL, layout, design. The works. But with everything else going on, it's a slow process so in spite of trying to hold out and not post (when I've been itching to like crazy lately), I'm breaking down and blogging here until I get the new one up. (Which in all honesty, could take me a month or so at the rate I'm going!)

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What are words? What is joy? What is sorrow? Sadness? Happiness? Love? Despair? What are feelings? Emotions?

How deep is grief? How deep is love?

How do we express ourselves to show our true emotions? The things deep in our hearts?

My sister in law, Mark's sister, Suzy (who was my age, 36 (would be 37 now)) passed away after a year long battle with leukemia this past fall, on October 1, leaving behind a loving husband and seven children (and extended family). His niece, Jayna, (Mark's sister's daughter) who had been fighting leukemia during the same time is doing well.

At the beginning of this year, when January 1 rolled around, I exclaimed to myself that this was going to be a GREAT YEAR! Time to grab life by the horns and live it to the fullest! We'd all been shown how fragile life is. We all had been/are going through heavy grief. There is one thing that watching illness like this has taught me and that is life is precious. So much more precious than any of us can truly comprehend with our faulty human hearts. Even going through hard times like this, it is still very difficult to grasp how precious each day really is.

We go around saying, "Life is a gift.", "Life is precious.", "Live each day like it's your last." But we never truly do that. We try. And we may succeed for a short time but then day-to-day life sets in and we forget and take everything for granted all over again. We're faulty and sinful and we forget to treasure every precious moment.

{Paul and Sara}

Shortly after I made my proclamation to live life and make the most of 2014, my nephew Paul, who is 9 years old (my sister, Sara's (and Jon's) son) became really sick. Before we knew it, he was being tested for Leukemia. The test results came back that he has Aplastic Anemia and as these past weeks have gone by he has been in and out of the hospital many times with fevers/infections and everything is leading to a bone marrow transplant. Without it, he will die.

His brother, Will, 11, is a perfect match and will be his donor. The doctors say they are very blessed to have a match on all seven levels that they tested for and with this transplant he has a 95% chance of survival. Pretty great odds. But it is scary. He is in the hospital right now as I write this with another infection that he is fighting and they're hoping he is well soon so they can begin the daunting process of the bone marrow transplant.

Unbelievably, a short time after Paul was diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia, my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer.

Cancer struck again. Boy, do I hate that word. My mom had surgery to remove the cancer about a week ago and is doing well. We are waiting to hear if it is in her lymph nodes or not...

When I told one of our friends that my mom has cancer now, they responded, among other things, "There are a lot of cancer success stories, too. Not everyone dies from cancer." And that was just what I needed to hear at that moment.

It a little bit feels like time stands still when these things happen. And it is an odd thing to feel "experienced" with this type of heavy news. I can't describe what it's like. My best attempt would be that it felt like the sky was falling that first week after finding out about my mom just such a short time after Paul.

Did my nephew and mom really truly get these awful, horrible diseases right after we went through it with Mark's sister and niece...? Does this really happen in life?

It does. My uncle, Bill, married to my dad's sister, Ann, passed away from cancer this past fall as well. And his son, my cousin, whom we all call Zub is also currently battling cancer. (And Ann & Bill lost their grandson not too long ago, as well.) My heart just breaks. It aches and there are no words... how do we comprehend these things? So many dear friends and relatives have been struck by cancer and illness in recent years. (Both of my parents have lost cousins to the disease in the past few months, as well...)

Sometimes it's just so hard to wrap your head around these things. When things are so heavy. How do you truly express those feelings and emotions? There aren't words... They feel so inadequate. The heart holds so many emotions. We feel love and joy so fiercely but what about when we feel sorrow and sadness like that?

Through it all, though, God is there. How could we truly handle any of this on our own? It is in the moments of numbness that you know you are being carried, held up through the darkness. And somehow it gets to the point where you can "handle it" again. And you go on living. Appreciating every day you're given. Appreciating the blessings life has to hold. Holding on to the joy that surrounds you during those times of great sorrow, for there are many moments of joy, too. There is laughter and love and there is warmth and kindness. Blessings galore. And you are changed. Life is so different, how could it not change you? You will never view it the same again, so great is the affect these things have on you.

Life is too big to be just about sorrow or joy. There is both. There is a delicate balance in this life and if you look carefully, you will find them both. Because even in times of great travesty, there is still so much to be thankful for. Love, faith, friends, support, family, kindness, goodness and joy. Life is beautiful and it is a gift. A very, very precious gift.

Because even when the sky is falling, we have to keep on living. We keep holding out for that joy and love. And if we look, we will find it once again and it will uplift us and carry us and get us through one more day.

Rainbows and Moccasins

Suzy's been doing really well, so far. We couldn't ask for anything more. She and Jason are limiting visitors, this weekend, in order to spend some QT with their kids. And, Jayna is now officially in remission - which is such a gift during all this! {eta: I didn't elaborate enough on here... She recieved her first blood transfusion that first weekend and has been looking and sounding like her old self since then. It was amazing to see the difference. Between the blood transfusions and the steroids, she is doing much better than when she first arrived at the hospital. And, unless she has in the last day or so, she hasn't been sick from the chemo meds yet. We keep hoping it'll stay that way and that she'll be one of the lucky ones who doesn't! It's amazing to see what the meds can do.}

{A cool, purple mushroom spotted in the woods.}

{More unusual mushrooms.}

It's so crazy how you start with these feelings of sadness and even a little terror when you hear the word cancer and it's so close to your life. So many times over the years, we've had family friends who have had cancer, and even been taken from this life because of it, but they haven't been anyone this close to us. Yet, as these days go by we find that there are far more positive feelings and feelings of hope in our hearts than we ever imagined we'd be feeling in this situation. I know there is a long road ahead for both Jayna and Suzy, with many ups and downs to come I'm sure, but for now, we're holding to the positive.

I just have this feeling inside that everything is going be okay and that Suzy's going to come out of this just fine. I can't explain it. It's just this secure feeling I have and I'm holding onto it.

On our way to the cities for the second time, on the Monday after she was initially diagnosed, Mark and I saw a partial but bright rainbow off in the sky in the direction of the cities (where Suzy is hospitalized), and in that moment I had this peace come over me and felt like everything is going to be okay. It was really comforting and I've carried it with me ever since.

All we can do, all we can ever do, is take life one day at a time. This is just a reminder of that. Nothing is in our hands. But it's such a comfort knowing God is there to guide us every step of the way.

Speaking of steps... In other news, my baby needs shoes. (And, no she's not even crawling, at five months old, much less walking!) But I was hoping the little moccasins I'd saved from the other kids would fit her but her little ankles/calves are far too chubby for them and they just fall off. (I know that was a problem with my other kids, too, but I saved them because I love them so much.) She also has really tiny feet. All of my babies have. So, it's hard to find shoes for her that fit right. I'm having fun browsing Etsy right now. I think I'm close to narrowing it down. I'm thinking of requesting a custom pair from one of the shops. I need to figure out the color and style and then send out a message this weekend - before the weather starts getting too cool for bare feet!

That Moment When the World Stops Turning...

As some of you know, our niece Jayna (9), Mark's sister Peggy's (& Paul's) daughter was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma this summer. On Friday, we got the phone call that his sister, Suzy (Jason), was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, an aggressive fast moving cancer. She is 35 years old and they have 7 young kids.

Jason said that looking back she had been experiencing symptoms off and on for a few months but began to feel the worst about the time Jayna was hospitalized.

Mark and I took our kids and went to see them yesterday. They're at the University of Minnesota Medical Center. Without treatment for this particular cancer, there is a 0% survival rate. With it, Suzy said that there is a 50/50 chance. It is our greatest hope that she will be in the hospital for the next four to six weeks. That will mean that the treatment is working.

She had two options for treatment and has chosen an aggressive form of chemotherapy (as opposed to a combination of chemo and a bone marrow transplant from a sibling). It is simply incomprehensible to everyone right now. We're all still reeling from the news of a second incident of cancer in the family - and to say that it's more than anyone can understand and comprehend, is an understatement... As Mark said, last night, "This is something that happens to other people. It doesn't happen to your family."

There truly are no words.

We need all of your prayers right now - especially, Suzy & Jason and their kids, and Peggy & Paul and theirs (as they're battling treatment for their daughter and are unable to see Suzy right now).

When we arrived yesterday, the tiny room that she is in was full and people were coming and going. At one point, one of her sisters asked if it was getting to be too much for her as she was laying back with her eyes closed, and she replied, "No. I love this. I need this. And it means so much to me."

She's very tired and weak at the moment and will progressively become more ill as she begins treatment today (Sunday) Monday. Please continue to surround them with your love and prayers and your company. They need everyone right now. So, please visit. Even if Suzy is too sick to visit, everyone else will need you, and she will be able to feel that love and support. She is fighting for Jason & her kids. They need everyone, too.

It's all happening so quickly and I'm not sure of everything that they will need as far as the physical things - but... I know she was wishing she had her MP3 player, a CD player, and church CD's. (Betsy has said she would get copies of all 6 Stan Kesti CD's and get them to her.)

Off the top of my head, I can imagine that little gifts and treats for the kids would be such a blessing. We haven't seen them yet as they had headed out to (Mark's brother) Hans & Janelle's by the time we had arrived at the hospital. They need every tiny ray of sunshine that we can give them right now as it is more than they can bare... Please remember them in your prayers, as well.

God has a plan for everything and even through this most awful tragedy God can work miracles and we are remembering that all is in His hands. My mind is a blur, I hope that I have everything right as far as stats and info - but you get the idea. Nothing has been set up yet for Suzy's CaringBridge account - but if it does, I'll let you know as soon as I do. {Jayna's CaringBridge.}

We will be heading down there off and on in the coming weeks, feel free to drop anything off at our house if you wish us to bring it to them. {Please note: Flowers and live plants are not allowed in the area.} They have access to a refrigerator.

{If anyone has copies of the Stan Kesti or other church CD's and can get Mark and I copies for our home - it would mean a lot to us.}

A Small Bump...or Two

I've been a mom for over ten years now and we've never had any real 'emergencies' with our kids (minus all of Carter's breathing issues with his asthma/allergies). That all changed, last week, when the kids were all doing cartwheels and flips in the front yard and Abram landed on a broken glass bottle top and sliced open the bottom of his right foot.

{On the way to the E.R.}

One of the kids had broken the bottle a long time ago and thought they had picked it all up - but the extremely sharp top portion was hidden in the grass.

It was a good 1/2- to 1-inch long gash and probably needed a couple of stitches or so. But it happened late in the day and I decided to wait until morning to see how it was. I also wanted to avoid the E.R./hospital if we could, so I wasn't in a hurry to bring him in. And in all honesty, I'm not a 'panicker' when it comes to injuries. I take a more 'relaxed' stance to it all - preferring the 'wait and see' approach to the 'every injury is an emergency and needs medical attention' one. But, by the next day, I thought maybe we should have brought him in when it split open again - but it was too late as it was already healing.

So, I bandaged it up well and made sure he took it easy on the couch for a few days. It didn't need to be 'butterflied' with tape because of the way it was cut so a bandage worked just fine. He crawled around the house for the first few days and then became more mobile by hopping on one foot and now he's to the point where he's walking (and even running) with just a slight limp. The cut has been healing really well. He may have a little scar but nothing to worry about!

{Carter, in the E.R. acting a little shy as the nurse was talking to him.}

Then Sunday after church everyone was changing out of their church clothes and Carter jumped on a pile of blankets in the Sitting Room and we all heard a 'crack' sound. We looked up to find him bawling and holding his head with blood going everywhere.

Apparently, the blankets were partially draped over the elliptical machine and he'd whacked his head full-force on the corner of the foot support. He split open his head a good 2-inches and although it wasn't too deep, we knew right away that stitches were inevitable this time. No question about it.

So we got him cleaned up. Mind you, he was only in his underwear at the moment! And I was just about finished nursing Aria.

Since it was his head, there was blood everywhere - and, luckily, blood doesn't scare any of our kids, they've watched chickens getting butchered and they've seen goats being born - so Nikayda and Abram helped to wash up the floor and wipe off Carter's legs while I finished nursing, as Mark held a cloth over the cut. Then I helped him to get dressed and we headed to the ER for the first time with one of our kids, 20 minutes away, where we spent the next 2 hours waiting for a doctor to see us. (2 hours, I kid you not.) He was fine the entire time, and his head wasn't bothering him at all. Thankfully. But the wait was extreme (and probably because we live in such a rural area). I kind of anticipated that it would be a long since we'd been there before (for my hyperemesis gravidarum last fall) so I grabbed some snacks for everyone. But we never dreamt it would be well over two hours before we'd be seen and released and everyone was pretty hungry by the time we left since we hadn't had the opportunity to eat lunch before it happened.

The nurses and doctor were great. The doc. had such a laid back personality, with a long ponytail to go with, and he was great with Carter. The best part was, when he went to go to put staples in Carter's head after he'd numbed it with a few shots (the worst part for Carter since it stung), he had the stapler upside down and stapled his own hand! Poor guy! But he was a great sport and had a good sense of humor about it all. And after leaving the room to have a nurse help remove the staple from his hand and to get a new stapler, he came back and we were all laughing that he'd numbed the wrong person.

{Above, Taken today, his cut just looks like a dark spot now as it's healing.}

As he went to use the new stapler, I was standing there watching the entire procedure and noticed he had the stapler upside down again. I didn't say anything, hoping he'd figure it out since he was the doctor, after all - and it took him several long seconds of holding it over the wound before he realized it was upside down again! In his defense, we all agreed that the stapler was odd because the (improper) way he was holding it, was how it looked like it should go. Doctors are only humans, too, and this was a great reminder of that! We all can make mistakes from time to time.

In the end, he figured it out and put 7 tiny metal staples into the top of our son's head. The next day, Carter was telling me that he counted his staples and said, "It doesn't even feel like I have any staples in!"

So, he's bounced back real well. I was wondering if he'd have a headache or something today but so far he's doing just fine.

We'll take it. Just a couple of little bumps in the road. I don't like when my kids get hurt. Who does? But I've been finding the humor in two injuries like this happening to us within a week when we've never had anything like it before.

{I think she's going to be a blankie girl. She loves to hold her flannel blankets (usually over her face) while she's falling asleep.}

I'm completely fascinated by health. Especially the natural way of healing the body and becoming healthy. But I'm also fascinated by modern medicine as far as it pertains to emergencies. I disagree with a lot of things as far as modern medicine goes, but it's there for a reason, too, and we're very grateful for it when we need it. I watched the entire procedure with Carter - the only part that was difficult to watch was when the doctor did multiple shots in and around the cut. And the stapling was a little crazy, for me to watch, as well. But I did. The best way to face a fear is head on - so I watched it all.

P.S. I have better pictures of his wound - but no one wants to see bloody wounds, so I'll spare you the details of those photos! :)

Vacation Pictures

{Two small cousins. Isaac and Aria.}

{A sweet moment.}

{Moss Roses in a pretty pot in my parents' garden.}

{My favorite Willow tree. It's at the end of my parents' road and I stared at the thing every morning for 13 years while waiting for the school bus. We used to swing on the branches. It's beautiful and the picture doesn't do it justice (The lighting was way off when I took it but I wanted to grab a shot of it since I never had in all these years.)}

{"Home". Although, in all the years I lived here it was a one-story ranch style house. The second floor was added just before I spread my wings and headed out to Minnesota, two years after I graduated high school.}

{Sedum in the garden.}

{Our first glimpse of the Mackinac Bridge. That grey smudge to the left is a fleck of dust on my lense and it shows up in most of my photos. It's been there for months. I have no idea how to get rid of it since it's inside of my camera (a Canon PowerShot SD1400). If anyone sees this and has any advice on getting it out - I'd love to hear it! I'm at a loss, and so frustrated by it.}

{The Mighty Mackinac.}

{Clematis in my parents' garden.}

{A hidden Beach.}

{The beautiful north shore of Lake Michigan - a hidden beach.}

{Silly little, chubby little baby toes.}

{You wouldn't believe how many pictures I took before I realized that we had a face-maker the entire time! He's quite the guy!}

{Love my Mamma's Milk Sling.}

Little Beach Bum

Knock 'em out - three in a row! Gotta get these posts out while I can. Either this is a new leaf I've turned over or just a fluke. Only time will tell!

My sister, Jean, as I mentioned was here last week (for a week). We sure enjoyed having her around! Having my family so far away (over 800 miles away, to be exact), it's been such a treat to see them so much this summer.

{The kitten Jean wanted to take home in the worst way. It was born from some 'wild' cat living in Sara & Jon's barn. They don't have any cats but one or more have taken up residence in their outbuildings that they never use. (They live on a 'farm' but don't farm.)}

Jean came out here with our sister-in-law to help her on the trip with her kids. She's the 'baby' of our family and my youngest sister and she's only three years older than Nikayda. The two of them crack me up - they have so much fun together - but they also act more like sisters than like an auntie and a niece. They don't fight or anything but they have no problem telling one another if they're getting annoyed with the other or not.

I hadn't really brought the kids to the beach too often this year until last week. We went quite a few times with Jean being here. We normally have our pool up but we want to get a saltwater filter system or something down those lines (instead of chlorine) so we didn't put it up this year since it wasn't in the budget at the moment. The beach is fun but I kind of miss the pool...

Michigan

Michigan trips:

At the beginning of May, we went to Michigan when Aria was three weeks old. The trip went great and I felt great, too. We went for a surprise 60th birthday party for my dad. It kind of came up fast and sort of sudden because it was the one weekend that worked for the majority of us 14 kids. (Only my sister Sara & Jon and my sister Emily & Matt and their families weren't able to make it.) It was a fun weekend! His actual birthday was at the end of May. (Photos are from our most recent trip.)

{Abram going for a cannon ball with Carter onlooking.}

{Jean and Abram. He's going for a back flip into the water.}

{My nephew, Adrian. My sister, Jean. And Nikayda.}

{Above, Carter. Below, Adrian in a full-fledged belly laugh. love it. And love that kid.}

The kids and I headed to Michigan at the end of June for over two weeks sans husband. Mark stayed back to get some work done on the house.

We headed to Michigan's upper peninsula first. We stayed at my maternal grandparent's house on Lake Superior where we met up with my mom and my two youngest siblings the first weekend we left. (Danny (16) and, Jean (13), whom I recently found out does not like to be referred to as "Jeanie" any longer (I feel for her! I was "Jenny" my whole life in spite of constantly wanting people to call me Jen or Jennifer. It's not easy getting people to change!))

{This is the giant sand hill next to my grandma & grandpa's house. I tumbled down this same hill when I was a kid. It was fun to see our kids do the same now!}

It was so nice to see my grandpa and grandma (below) and to enjoy the beautiful view of Lake Superior that was so familiar to me in my childhood. I can't remember the last time I was actually at their house - I think it's been about 8 years, give or take. It was their camp before my grandpa retired from work in the twin cities (Minnesota) and they moved up there permanently. I know Mark and I were there sometime after we were married (which was over 11 years ago).

{Excuse the lighting! Not the best shot of all of us but we had to take this quickly before my grandma had to head to an appointment. We took it right before we left to head to my family's home.}

{Lake Superior.}

We also were able to visit with my Aunt Marilyn and Uncle Gordon (my dad's oldest brother, above) while we were up there. I hadn't seen them in years! I wasn't able to see all of my aunts and uncles up there since we were there for such a short time but we were able to squeeze in a quick visit to their place. It was fun to spend some time at their house, too, as it's a huge part of my childhood and our family vacations spent in Michigan's upper peninsula. I was heavily influenced by them, and a few of my other aunts and uncles, in my lifelong love for vintage/antiques - so that was particularily fun to see all of their treasures on display in their home.

We were in the U.P. for only a couple of days before heading 'home' in Michigan's lower peninsula where we spent about two weeks. It was so relaxing and fun to be there in the summer! We have only been able to make one annual trip a year in the past 5 years or so, and that's been for the holidays, since we've lived in Minnesota - so this was an extra special treat for us. It's about an 800 mile trek from their house to ours.

The weather was brutally hot the entire two weeks. High 90°'s F to low 100°'s F. Crazy hot. Too hot to be outside with the heat index being even higher - unless you were swimming in the pool, which felt like bathwater it was so warm. I'd hoped to get a little sun while on vacation but I got none. I did get in a few thrifting excursions though - which was really fun! There are some great thrifts in the area near my family's home.

I scored a bunch of vintage dresses/clothes for Aria. I was even able to sneak out for a couple of quick thrifting excursions alone right after I nursed her - that was really nice!

My sister, Heidi, and her husband, Jeff, and their two little guys were there almost the whole time we were. {They live in the U.P.} That was fun since we rarely get to see them either! It was already so long ago but it was a fun vacation.

Note: Photos are in no particular order. Just trying to get another post in here between baby holding and baby nursing time! They're also halfhazzardly edited, so don't mind that either. I have more photos - but they're still on my card and I need to get them on my computer yet. So maybe in another week or three I'll do another post...

When I don't blog, I'm not good about keeping up on blogs either - I miss the blogging world!

The Name Game that Makes me SO Happy

I don't trust myself on this computer lately because I have only one thing on my mind. {I haven't been on Facebook since last week. That's a big deal!} We've been waiting for this for a very long time and it's super early to announce it, and I literally just found out on Friday, but four days is a long time to hold it in when you're this excited about something... We're going to have a baby!!

{Simple paper stars. So pretty. These are from a wedding but wouldn't they be cute above a baby's crib? Photo credit via Pinterest.}

I can't believe I can finally say it again. It feels like the most amazing gift and we're over the moon about it. I feel like we're so excited, it's not even funny. We just keep looking at each other and grinning like fools. It feels like we're love-struck teenagers. And, to be honest, it feels like when we found out we were expecting our first all over again. We're just so happy! But it hasn't fully sunk in because we both just keep saying, "I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Is this real?" :) We've wished for this for so long.

{Pretty dress and scarf. Love the entire outfit here: Photo credit via Pinterest.}

Carter will be 6, next month, and well over 6 1/2 when this baby arrives.

We need a baby.

I love babies! I just keep laughing that I'll get a newborn to cuddle and snuggle again. (And wake up in the middle of the night with -- YIKES. I'm in for a rude awakening. It's been a long time that I've had to lose sleep for any of my kids. Although, to be honest about the reality, it's the anxiety and post-partum depression that can stem from it that worries me the most. If you're new here, I had moderately-severe PPD with my last two.)

{Retro baby chair. Photo credit via Pinterest.}

I literally just found out a few days ago but when you wait this long for news like this, it's really hard to hold it in until you're further along. (I'm only four weeks.) I normally spread the news when I'm only six weeks, so really what's the difference? It was so fun because my sister, Gretchen (one of the twins), was out here when I found out. I just couldn't keep it a secret and called my mom immediately after finding out. Like, as in literally, right after I found out.

{Baby quilt made from vintage sheets. Photo credit via Pinterest.}

Over all these years, I've continued to keep an ongoing list of names. It's one of my favorite things about having a baby, getting to name them. I love choosing names. We're hoping to find something unique and special and it's all I can think about right now. With my other kids, we had a boy's and a girl's name picked out within the first half of the pregnancy. And, in fact, Nikayda's name was picked out long before we were even expecting.

We found out what we were having with Carter, for the first time. We plan to find out again when the time comes for this one, more than likely. I absolutely loved knowing what I was having. It was so nice for shopping and planning.

{Old Navy maternity dress. Photo credit via Pinterest.}

It's crazy! I feel like I just start giggling at random times in the past few days. I can't even believe it. It's such a blessing.

I feel like I don't have any baby stuff anymore. I've given a lot of my baby stuff to my sister, Sara, over the years. And sold stuff at garage sales. So I'm excited to start picking things up over the coming months. Mostly, I just need a car seat and a baby sling and then all the little stuff.

{Beautiful Swedish vintage style nursery. Photo credit via Pinterest.}

I kept my vintage wooden high chair. And, in fact, found another metal retro one this summer garage saling that I couldn't resist. I still have my porta-crib and my small baby crib, my Baby Bjorn carrier and my single jogging stroller. (The baby carrier was always a little big for me. I'm short and have a short torso so it always worked better for Mark than me. That's why I want a sling this time.) But I feel like my views have changed so much as far as the things I need. I feel like so much of the baby stuff is just a product of commercialism and you really don't need much to have a happy baby. I mean, you need plenty of stuff, but you don't need every gadget out there, is what I'm trying to say.

I've also been collecting vintage baby clothes over the years. I always have. And I'm excited to look for more. I collect both boy's and girl's clothes. If I don't use them, they can always go in the junk shop.

{Handmade Sweater Balls. Photo credit via Pinterest.}

I can't believe I'm even talking about all this! It's just so exciting.

{Zigzag jumpsuit. Photo credit via Pinterest.}

I've always loved being pregnant. Once I get past the first twelve weeks. I always get really, really sick from about week 6 to week 12 or 13. So I have a couple of weeks before I'll start feeling anything. I was in the hospital twice for iv's due to dehydration with Nikayda but luckily not with the boys. Hoping for a good first trimester this time but only time will tell. Crossing my fingers! I'm mentally preparing myself for it to be bad...but hoping for the best!

Seriously... How do you keep that a secret when you've waited so long? I'll let everyone else (namely the *ahem* older generation) feel cautiously optimistic since it's so early. I'm diving in head first with happiness! We're so thrilled. I told Mark the other night that I feel all sparkly because I'm so happy right now.

Everyday normal is not always normal

While Mark was out in North Dakota, he picked up a Tab so he could have internet while out there. Whenever he'd come home, the kids loved to use it or walk around taking pictures with it.

Nikayda captured this simple moment one Sunday in April as I was making dinner after church. I'm pretty sure I was only stirring corn or something equally exotic but I love how it captures a candid everyday moment around here. And, I also love how not normal it is, because I rarely cook Sunday dinner! (When I say rarely, I mean I've probably cooked Sunday dinner three times in the past five years. And even that's probably being generous.) So, at least the one time I did, it was actually captured on camera.

 

I never even knew she took the picture until later when Mark showed it to me. I'd forgotten about it until today when I found it in my email. Apparently, he'd sent it to me at the beginning of the month but for some reason it only recently showed up.

Me and the bearded guy rarely are photographed together, something which I really would like to change! We also are never photographed with the kids. It's always them or us. I'd love to get a family picture taken someday. I always thought I'd have a friend do it, but now that we have a photographer in the family, I want her to take it. Maybe she'll come visit sometime so we can get one! ;)